What happens in a first counselling session?

When you arrive for that first counselling session, there can be a lot of apprehension.

Will I be able to explain how I feel?

Will it actually help me?

Will I like this counsellor?

These and many more questions and worries can be on your mind. I thought it might be helpful to explain what happens in that first counselling session. Because if you know what to expect, it can help to ease some of those initial nerves.

Most first sessions follow a regular pattern but that doesn’t mean they are all the same! This is just a rough outline of what you can expect…

Setting the frame

This is a phrase that we use in counselling which may seem a bit jargony! But let me explain what this means. At the beginning of counselling, it’s really important that we set out a framework of how we’ll work together and also the boundaries of our relationship.

Because the relationship that we build, is often the most transformative element of any counselling experience. It is therefore important that we both know what to expect and how we want this relationship to function.

Initially, we might talk about how confidentiality works in counselling (and importantly when we might need break this). We’ll agree how often we will meet, how long the sessions will be for, what to do if you need to cancel the session. We might also determine how best we can contact each other in between sessions if something comes up. We’ll clarify about fees, what to do if you are not happy. We also sometimes agree what we’ll do if we randomly bump into each other in public!

This really doesn’t take a long time but is a really important step as it makes us both clear on how this relationship will function and you then know exactly where you stand.

Assessment

Some counsellors use a formal assessment tool to get a good understanding of what is bringing you to counselling and what you would like to achieve. With some counsellors it feels more like a chat.

I personally dabble with both! Sometimes a more formal assessment tool is helpful, sometimes it can feel like it gets in the way.

But however we do this, it’s a really important step. As a counsellor, I like to get a good sense of what you are experiencing now and what you would like to change. This helps to guide our work and help you along your path.

Deciding your therapeutic goals

I like to allow a bit of time for some goal setting in therapy. Which sounds a bit intense, but I promise it isn’t. It’s more of a chance to explore how you would like things to change.

Maybe you don’t want to wake up with that feeling of dread each day.

Maybe you want to let go of the past and not be so ruled by it.

You could want to feel less of something – less angry, less depressed, less on edge.

You might want to feel more of something – more joy, more happiness, more optimistic.

And…you could have no idea. Just know that you don’t want to feel like you are right now.

We take a bit of time together to really explore this and think of how we can get there. It’s not me giving you advice or telling you to do ‘a b c’ and you’ll feel better. It’s part of the exploration we do together to see what would help (and also what really wouldn’t help!)

This space is for you

We cover these topics in a first session, but it really is a space for you. Sometimes we don’t always get to the goals to begin with. Sometimes clients come along and actually there is so much going on for them right now that it’s really hard to think about the future.

Or it can be that you really don’t know what is going on for you right now, but you know how you want things to be.

I always make sure that it’s a space for you to say what you need – rather than you fitting into a first appointment model.

What do we talk about?

You may know exactly what you want to share in that first session. You could be really clear on what you want to say and how you want to say it. You could also think ‘I have no idea what on earth we’ll talk about for 50 minutes!’

Either is absolutely fine. As a counsellor I always invite you to share first. But if you don’t know what to say, or you feel a bit stuck, we can do something together to help you figure out what is going on for you. This can sometimes be a creative activity, or we’ll walk together, or maybe we’ll discuss a counselling theory and see if it applies to you.

What if I don’t like my counsellor or think this will not help?

Counselling is a relational process. It is important that you feel safe with that person. That you feel like you could be open and honest with them. This does increase with time as you get to know them better, but I also encourage clients to trust their instincts. You know in yourself when you meet someone the first time if you are going to like them! We can have that gut reaction.

As a counsellor I often pick up on it too. I often know when a client isn’t going to return because something didn’t quite fit. This doesn’t mean that either of us have done anything wrong. We are just not a good match.

And sometimes it’s not personal either. It’s not that you didn’t like them or didn’t feel relaxed with them. Maybe it’s more that their style of counselling isn’t going to give you what you need.

Maybe you want a counsellor that offers a set number of sessions, has a very structured model they work to. Alternatively, it could be really important that you are not constricted by a number, or the counselling follows your own process. Again, there is no right or wrong here. Different counselling modalities exist for a reason – because we are not all the same!

Your first session isn’t a test to pass

These are some of the things that we may generally cover in a first session. However, it’s not a tick list or an exam that you need to pass. Each first session is different because each person is different.

That first session may feel like it’s been helpful. Alternatively, it may feel too early to tell if this is the right fit for you.

The thing to acknowledge though is that you have taken that first step. You’ve done the tough part of finding a counsellor, reaching out to them and having your first session. It shows you are ready for some change, even if you are not sure yet how you will get there.

I hope that this has provided a bit of insight into what your first counselling session might look like. It’s also ok to ask your counsellor before you arrive what you can expect. I offer a free 20-minute consultation to new clients, and this can often be helpful to let people know what we can do together in that first session.

Whatever that first session looks like, I hope that your counselling journey gives you the insight, awareness and clarity that can be so helpful.